Women! They are both everywhere and nowhere. EV (clap emoji) ER (clap emoji) Y (clap emoji) THING (clap emoji) and yet nothing (shh emoji). Very prominent in current cultural conversation and somehow never in any of our marketing meetings. What we’re trying to say is, what even is a woman? Is this a woman? No, it’s a bare coat rack? Hmm, really makes you think.

POSSIBLE TAGLINES FOR WOMEN

Women: Not men but it’s fine!

Women: [Insert full lyrics to Katy Perry’s “Roar”]

Women: You gotta have ‘em! [Italian chef kiss gesture]

Women: Confidence in motion (Oh wait, that’s the slogan for Subaru. Oops.)

Women: Man, I feel like a Women!

PURPOSE OF WOMEN

(Can anyone help fill in this section? Should we ping Kathy in Sales for her input? Maybe something about how women are pure and special but also powerful? Is that even doable? Will finish later or remove altogether.)

LOGO FOR WOMEN

Women, as a whole, are so hard to define in a single image. Is it because women don’t exist as a monolith or is it because there are no women on our company’s executive board? Who can say? Our logo must encapsulate all women without excluding any women whose buying power we care about. Think Jennifer Lawrence or Emma Watson. Like, cool and white but also attainable and mostly white? It’s important our logo be small and take up no space but be sexy and noticeable when it removes its glasses and ponytail. It will have boobs but in a feminist way, if that makes sense.

COLOR PALETTE FOR WOMEN

Women don’t just come in pink anymore. They also come in light red, fuchsia, blush, holographic slime, and Instagram’s “pretty” filter. And is “flower crowns” a color? We’re hearing “no” but we think that should be open to discussion.

TYPOGRAPHY FOR WOMEN

Our primary font will scream, “online shopping pyramid scheme but make it empowering.” Our hand lettering style will be the kind that says, “My teachers gave me more compliments on my penmanship than thorough critiques of my essays.” Oh and probably lots of quotes in Helvetica.

ICONOGRAPHY FOR WOMEN

Shoes, makeup, and jewelry are essential but they must be paired with a well-known feminist icon. It’s not pandering if it’s Empowering, am I right, ladies? Some starter ideas:

• Rosie the Riveter but her fist is holding a small yet sensible clutch
• An Audre Lorde quote written in a lipstick shade called “Fresh Brazilian”
• That picture of Marilyn Monroe standing over the grate photoshopped with a speech bubble that says “Wage gap!”
• Stilettos with “Gloria Steinem” written all over them which cost $10,000

GLOSSARY OF TERMS USED IN OUR WOMEN BRAND STYLE GUIDE

Feminism: This is when a woman does a power stance but in an unthreatening way. She is also a #GirlBoss, which is not to be confused with a regular boss (male) or a Boss Baby.

Audre Lorde: She’s a feminism who does a lot of good quotes which are hopefully in the public domain.

Stilettos: Very tall shoes that make women look large but in a sexy way, not a scary way. Stilettos support the body weight on what is essentially a shoe heel carved from dry spaghetti. They defy the laws of physics. (Yaaas, Women in STEM!)

Gender Equality: While you won’t find this phrase anywhere in our style guide, you also won’t find it in most major countries around the world. So, if you think about it, we’re really being on-trend.

(clap emoji): A way for women to be loud without actually making any noise. It’s (clap emoji) about (clap emoji) time (clap emoji)!