gift-guide – The Establishment https://theestablishment.co Mon, 22 Apr 2019 20:17:33 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.1.1 https://theestablishment.co/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/cropped-EST_stamp_socialmedia_600x600-32x32.jpg gift-guide – The Establishment https://theestablishment.co 32 32 Gifts To Give Your Trump-Supporting Family! https://theestablishment.co/gifts-to-give-your-trump-supporting-family-b46a43852aac/ Fri, 23 Dec 2016 17:57:16 +0000 https://theestablishment.co/?p=6111 Read more]]> With our country so divided by politics (and so very angry!), it’s hard to know what to get your Trump-loving relatives for the holidays. But have no fear! This guide will arm you with bucket loads of holiday . . . sorry, CHRISTMAS cheer.

For your “trapped in a conservative marriage” sister, Susan:

Do it yourself: A pile of your most wrinkled shirts to iron!
Fun: Underwear with an easy-to-grab handle
Practical: Black market birth control and/or diapers

For your brother, Marty:

Do it yourself: A Russian dictionary
Fun: A ticket to the Trump sons’ ‘Camouflage and Cufflinks’ inauguration fundraiser
Practical: A sweatshirt with a wolf on it

For Dad:

Do it yourself: A Twitter handle and a bottle of Jameson
Fun: A trip to a daddy-daughter chastity ball
Practical: Ben Carson’s Guide to Climate Change (signed by the Chinese inventor!)

For Mom:

Do it yourself: Children to raise
Fun: A trip to a furniture store
Practical: A coupon for breast augmentation

For your religious grandparents:

Do it yourself: A bible with the “love each other” parts cut out with craft scissors
Fun: A picture of white Jesus
Practical: Confederate flag needlework sampler

For your business-inclined Uncle Ted:

Do it yourself: A bucket of hand-drilled Alaskan oil
Fun: A certificate from an uncredited university
Practical: A cabinet position

For your young nieces and nephews:

Do it yourself: A Mike Pence home conversion kit
Fun: A “build your own wall” Lego set and a Dora the Explorer doll to pay for it
Practical: An NRA membership

For your white supremacist cousins:

Do it yourself: A white sheet set
Fun: A dapper fashion spread in a major magazine
Practical: A subscription to Breitbart

Follow this gift-giving guide and you will rock your three crushingly awkward and painful days at home. Merry Christmas and Pence on Earth.

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