“Something softens me
Softens my desire
Something helps me breathe
Something spills out my pores as light
Something
Is like hope blanketing me
Something bleeds as me…”
– excerpt from ‘So the Second Thing I Bought Was a Mirror’ by Aisha Sasha John

I come from a culture where talking about most things are taboo.

(Insert trope about conservative Asians here.)

So when I first moved to the U.S. close to a decade ago, I was surprised by how easily the topic of sex came up in everyday conversation. And I had moved here from England, by the way.

I heard coworkers go into graphic detail about fetishes, brand-new friends disclose fantasies that I wouldn’t to my oldest friends, and get casually asked about my boudoir habits over coffee.

What wasn’t — and still isn’t — brought up, was money.

I’d get quickly diverted if I asked what a job would pay, shot down if I asked for more money, and told in the most (condescendingly) surprised of tones, what a “good negotiator” I was when I did.

But not talking about money only works for one set of society; cisgendered white men.

When womxn are considered impolite for asking for what we want, what we deserve, or what the white man next to us is making, we’re accepting a world where only certain people deserve to make what they’re worth. So they can be nonchalant about it.

I don’t need to tell you how power structures are dictated by money.

And I won’t insult your intelligence by reminding you that “women make XX cents to a white man’s dollar.”

But I will ask you this: if it’s polite to talk about that weird thing the guy you met on Tinder did in bed, then why the hell can’t we talk about how much money you make?

With love + solidarity,
Ruchika Tulshyan
Founding Editor

When Your Medical Treatment Depends On Your Race

By Cici Zhang

In a bone marrow search, most people try their families first.

But 70% end up looking for a match among strangers.

Because there are fewer minority donors in the registry, it’s harder for minority patients to find a match.

According to statistics, black people have a 66% likelihood of finding a matched, available donor in the registry. It’s 97% for white people.

As with everything, race matters as much in sickness as in health.

How ‘Fresh Off the Boat’ Upends The Asian BFF Trope
By Andrea Ruggirello

Growing up, when I saw any Asian woman or girl on TV, even as an extra, my head would snap to attention.

Even if I didn’t consciously think about representation at the time, the lack of Asian characters was obvious, and made me internalize our invisibility even more.

As a Korean adopted into a white family, the characters I saw on TV were some of the most intimate looks I had at Asian American family life.

Living in a mostly white neighborhood, my friendships mirrored those I saw on TV — friendships like Rory Gilmore and Lane Kim’s on Gilmore Girls or, later, Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang’s on Grey’s Anatomy; I, too, was the only Asian friend among a group of white peers.

Similar to the trope of the “sassy black friend,” the Asian BFF is an often-tokenized attempt to include a person of color on screen.

The Asian BFF rejects her Asian heritage, and the character’s identity revolves around attempts to emulate whiteness.

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, PLEASE CONSIDER SPONSORING A STORY FOR US!

What #MeToo Looks Like When You’re In Recovery

By Claire Rudy Foster

A woman’s treatment for addiction shouldn’t require her silence about sexual abuse.

The culture of silence and “anonymity” that surrounds recovery is harmful to women, and allows leaders, elders, and trusted community members to prey on women with little fear of repercussions.

There’s a commonly held myth that the wrongs committed before getting sober don’t count. Victims of harassment or assault are told to pray for their attackers, rather than report them.

Some are encouraged to “see their part” in the attack, or try to reframe sexual assault as a spiritual gift, a gateway to growth.

Noah Levine, a recovery leader who is accused of sexual misconduct said, “We all sort of have a different doorway to dharma or spiritual practice. Suffering is a doorway.”

For women, that doorway is often sexual assault.

What Happens When Four Anti-iPhone, Salty-Ass Texan Women Argue About Cats

By Andrea Grimes

They say that smartphones are tearing us apart. That technology is building walls, not tearing them down. That the internet makes us dumber.

Not in my family. In my family, the presence of a goofy ole gal named Siri has fundamentally, and forever, changed us. For the better.

Every family has its special holiday traditions and quirks. Some folks all wear matching pajamas for Christmas morning, others all share a beloved pancake or latke recipe, or escape to their favorite skiing locale.

My family argues about facts.

Lead image: Unsplash/Olga Delawrence

How White Liberals Can Be Allies In Fighting Racism And The Oppression Of Minorities

Someone has to start doing some giving.

YouTube

By Kali Holloway

I n November, the Washington Post reported on an unexpected outcome of the Kevin Spacey sexual harassment scandal: a textbook example of a man being paid more than a woman for doing the same job. Following Stacey’s firing from the movie All the Money in the World, lead actress Michelle Williams received roughly $1,000 to reshoot scenes, less than one-tenth of 1 percent of the $1.5 million paid to supporting actor Mark Wahlberg. Williams and Wahlberg are both represented by the William Morris Endeavor agency, though they have different agents, and director Ridley Scott had previously told USA Today that “everyone did [the reshoots] for nothing,” informational bits that seem to add to the situation’s overall shadiness. For all the exculpatory arguments being floated around the internet (Wahlberg’s agent is the real-life Ari Gold; Williams had a bum contract), a pay difference of 1,500 times remains laughably difficult to justify. Wahlberg donated his reshoot fee to the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund, along with a statement expressing the kind of sudden interest in gender pay parity frequently sparked by bad press.

The story stands in contrast to Tuesday’s news that actress Jessica Chastain, who is white, used her privilege to help ensure that actress Octavia Spencer, who is black, would receive the pay she deserves but is consistently denied due to racism and sexism. During a panel titled Women Breaking Barriers at the Sundance Film Festival, Spencer described how a conversation about the gender pay gap led to an exchange about the salary advantages white actresses have compared to actresses of color.

“We were dropping F-bombs and getting it all out there,” Spencer joked. “And then I said, but here’s the thing, women of color on that spectrum, we make far less than white women. So if we’re gonna have that conversation about pay equity, we gotta bring the women of color to the table. And I told her my story, and we talked numbers, and she was quiet, and she had no idea that’s what it was like for women of color.”

Chastain suggested they take a “favored nations” approach to salary negotiations on an upcoming comedy project the two will be starring in together. By tying their pay together, the actresses would take home the same paycheck. “Fast-forward to last week,” Spencer said. “We’re making five times what we asked for.”

‘If we’re gonna have that conversation about pay equity, we gotta bring the women of color to the table.’

This is a story that could be horribly misconstrued as a “love see no color” moment in the media, and if it is ever made into a film, Hollywood will surely insist that Sandra Bullock play Chastain. But get beyond whiteness’s reflexive tendency to applaud itself for every millimeter of power willingly given, and there are reasons it’s genuinely noteworthy. Chastain deserves recognition for doing the right thing, and for being the exception that proves the sad rule, unwittingly showing how rarely that happens. As Spencer noted, “People say a lot of things,” but doing is a lot harder. “She’s walking the walk and she’s actually talking the talk,” Spencer said of Chastain. “When it came down to it, she was right there and shoulder to shoulder.”

Performative allyship is always more abundant than action. Whenever a longstanding issue of inequality rises to the level of widespread visibility — meaning the groundswell of horrific stories forces the powerful to recognize what the disempowered have long told them existed — the country enters a period of “national conversation” that rarely goes much beyond words. The trickle-down effect, in terms of substantive corrective actions, can be hard to locate, because all too frequently there’s no there there. What passes for activism is often just virtue theatrics that play well in a society obsessed with optics, but aren’t necessarily aimed at leveling unbalanced playing fields.

It’s been noted again and again that the MeToo movement has overwhelmingly focused on the sexual bullying of white women who have fame and money, while ignoring the daily struggles of the most vulnerable women and non-binary folks. If the women who are calling men out keep failing to call themselves out — or asking men to push for equality while refusing to cede some of their influence — nothing changes. White women’s feminism and advocacy should look like what Chastain did, but it rarely does. We’re left with meaningless hot takes, pussy hats, and Facebook filters. The questions for people who say they want real equity are: what power do you wield and what are you giving up to make that happen? Solidarity is often a top-down matter. Folks on the lower rungs are often overlooked until their fates are linked to those whose presence is given greater value.

White ‘Allies’ And The American Tradition Of Consuming Black Grief

In her 2016 memoir, Taraji P. Henson wrote about how she was paid the “equivalent of sofa change” for her Oscar-nominated supporting role in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, while Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt received millions. Henson didn’t have the name recognition of her costars at the time, nor the fame she has now, but even with those factors taken into account, the pay disparity seems outlandish given she was a “solid up-and-coming actress with a decent amount of critical acclaim for her work.” She got a low-six-figure deal, the smallest of fractions of her co-stars’ salaries, and was told she’d have to pay for her own hotel accommodations for the three-month shoot.

Henson spells out in her book why the onus is on those with power to speak up:

The math really is pretty simple: there are way more talented black actresses than there are intelligent, meaningful roles for them, and we’re consistently charged with diving for the crumbs of the scraps, lest we starve. I knew the stakes: no matter how talented, no matter how many accolades my prior work had received, if I pushed for more money, I’d be replaced and no one would so much as blink.

Last year, during an interview with Variety, Chastain said she was done “getting paid a quarter of what the male co-star is being paid. I’m not allowing that in my life.” Clearly, she realized it was a declaration that required a concurrent commitment to all the other women in the field to make sure they aren’t subject to starvation economy survival methods. Spencer — who for the record, beat out Chastain in the Oscar’s Best Actress Category — will hopefully receive a pay bump on every film from here on out, though Hollywood’s commitment to sexism and racism make that unlikely. On Twitter, Chastain suggested truly supportive male stars put their money where their mouths are to achieve gender pay fairness. “[Octavia] had been underpaid for so long,” she wrote in the message. “When I discovered that, I realized that I could tie her deal to mine to bring up her quote. Men should start doing this with their female costars.”

Actress Jada Pinkett Smith, speaking at another Sundance talk, drove the point further home.

“It’s nice to go out and march. We can do that. It’s nice to wear black at the Golden Globes — it’s nice to do that. But what are we doing behind closed doors? And I’ve got to give our sister Jessica Chastain her props because she stood up for Octavia and put it down. And that’s how we all need to do it for each other.”

This story first appeared at AlterNet, and is republished here with permission.

]]>