Welcome to a delectable vintage video hot off the scintillatingly sexist presses circa 1944.

And boy, is it a doozy!

Written and produced for the United States Education Department, this handy dandy training video deftly explains how to “break in” new women workers in factories. (You know, because these women had previously divided their time between lying on their backs and dusting flours on pies… so all these intimidating gears, gadgets, and machines are exceedingly intimidating, and they need a certain kind of man — a strong, gentle, rumpled-headed man — to lead them through this metal-laden fray.)

There are myriad revelations here, but the general takeaway is that women scare Joe — very, very much — but, “women workers can be surprisingly good producers.” Because we too have opposable thumbs and a frontal cortex that controls our executive functioning!

I also learned that when training female minions, never, ever “use trade terms.” Stick to overly simplistic, infantilizing language similar to when you’re gearing up to “make whoopee.” I’m going to hide my naughty bishop in the dark cathedral. Get my drift Margaret?!

(Also, if anyone knows what the “eternal feminine” situation is that they refer to, I’d love some intel on that.)