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Mad Lib For An Ineffectual GOP Response To The Latest Mass Shooting

There’s a lot to do in a day, and there are a lot of mass shootings. This handy guide will make preparing your statement a snap!

My heart is _________ (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) over news that ________________ (# OF VICTIMS) Americans have been tragically killed by
a _______________ (POSITIVE ADJECTIVE) mentally disturbed family man who deserves our compassion.*

At times like these, we must commit to not _______________ (NEGATIVE ADVERB) politicizing a _______________ (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) tragedy.**

I will be praying extra hard in the coming days, to ensure our ____________ (POSITIVE ADJECTIVE) God prevents another mass shooting from happening in the most heavily armed __________ (PATRIOTIC ADJECTIVE) country in the world because truly, that is all any of us can do.

America remains a resilient ______________ (HYPERBOLICALLY POSITIVE ADJECTIVE) nation in the face of ________________ (BOMBASTICALLY NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) adversity.

I am, again, so very _____________ (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE).

With condolences,


*Unless perpetrator is Muslim/brown/black, in which case please write “vicious terrorist thug.”

**Unless perpetrator is Muslim/brown, in which case please write “allowing dangerous Islamic terrorism to destroy America.”

***This Mad Lib may be used after every mass shooting in perpetuity forever.