Being a Transgirl taking a piss and shit in a multi-stall bathroom is a fucking art form. If you are a Transgirl in the presence of a Cisgendered person(s) in a multi-stall restroom, I offer a few critical suggestions to make the experience go smoothly for you and to maintain some respect they have for your existence:
- Keep your business within the stall under two and a half minutes. Any longer and the Cisgendered person becomes suspicious. If you still need to go, use a different bathroom.
- Be as quiet or still as possible. They can’t see movement.
- Use as little toilet paper as possible. I mean, they’re judging the shit out of you already, don’t give them more of a reason. This is more the case in any government building or library. They don’t want their taxpayer money going to a Transgirl’s ass.
- Similarly, when washing your hands, sing ‘Happy Birthday’ in your head twice, but don’t use too much water. Use minimal soap. When drying your hands, make sure you’re thorough but also not using the air dryer too long or too many paper towels. They’re analyzing how many resources you’re taking up.
- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE EYE CONTACT.
- If there is no one in the bathroom at the time you enter your stall you may act as if it was a single stall bathroom. But remain vigilant…
- If someone enters the bathroom while you are in the stall you must believe they are a Cisgendered person.
- If you see another Transgirl in the bathroom, even if you personally know them, you must not acknowledge their presence as stated in Article 3, Section 21.b of The Official Transgirl Handbook. The only exception is when there is no one else in the bathroom and you know the other Transgirl personally. But this is risky since a Cisgendered person may enter the bathroom at any moment.
- In fact, don’t talk to or acknowledge anyone when inside a multi-stall bathroom. The only exception is when a Cisgendered person says “Hello.” If they do, you must greet them as well. If they ask you any questions you must respond but make your answer brief.
Following these steps is critical to maintaining the slim levels of respect we have from the Cisgendereds. This respect helps alleviate some of the pains of awkward family reunions, co-workers, and those people who you sorta vaguely knew in High School and thinks of you as one of the Cisgendereds. Keeping the respect of Cisgendered persons in bathrooms is a collective effort! They will hold any slight misstep against all Transgirls complaining about it to no end. We must look out for our fellow Transsisters (Article 1, Section 7). I don’t care if they don’t respect or see all my identities and lifestyle choices, I just want to be able to have some sort of passing respect and to not worry about pissing or shitting my pants.
Or, y’know, be physically assaulted.