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Heroic Men Share Stories Of Times They Didn’t Sexually Harass Women


These brave, upstanding men are an inspiration to us all.

With the media focused intently on stories of sexual harassment, we might be forgetting one thing. Yes, there’s a lot of sexual harassment, but some men out there do, in fact, have stories of times they didn’t sexually harass a woman. Maybe it’s time we find those men, and maybe it’s time we tell those stories.

Here, I ask brave, upstanding men to share stories of encounters with women that did not involve sexual harassment.

“I was waiting in line at the grocery store, and I noticed the girl in front of me has a nice ass. Well, I say ‘girl’ because she was extremely sexually attractive to me — she was probably in her late twenties with a successful career, eh, if I had to guess, I’d say she ran a team of software engineers, based on the fact that I took a photo and Google-imaged her and found her Linkedin. Anyway, I stared at her ass for a long time, but whaddya know — I didn’t grab it.”
— The Hero John Monroe

“Do I have a story about not sexually harassing a woman? Ha, yeah, funny you should ask. It happened today, actually. I was walking my dog, and another woman was walking her dog, and we just walked on past each other.”
— The Venerable Mark Wallace

“Oh boy, do I have a story for you. Have I ever not sexually harassed a woman? You better believe I have. The year was 1999. I was on a bus, and I saw a lady with a great chest. Probably at least a D. But I said to myself, I said, ‘Harry, you got a wife and two daughters at home, do NOT comment on her breasts.’ And I didn’t! Although you better believe I took the seat next to her even though the whole bus was empty. And you better believe I manspreaded onto her — not in a sexual way, that’s just how I sit always.”
— Sir Harry Frederick The Brave

“Let me tell you what feminism looks like, OK? I have a new female coworker on my team at work. And she is not attractive. So I have not asked her out. Not all heroes wear capes. But I do. What do you think of my cape?”
— Feminist Icon Barry Marshall Who Is Currently Wearing A Superman Cape He Probably Bought At A Children’s Toy Store

“My brother was telling me about a time he didn’t sexually harass a woman, and I said me too! Me too! Is that what the me too movement is about?”
The Honorable Tim Johnson The Confused

“Yeah of course I have a story about not sexually harassing a woman. I saw a pretty girl on the train, and I said, ‘hey sweet cheeks what’s your number?’ And she said — oh, wait? You’re counting that? As sexual harassment? Hm, ok, let me get back to you.”
The Noble Andrew Harrison Who Will Go Check His Notes And Then Get Back To Me To Become The Even More Noble Andrew Harrison

“Well, there was a lady at a bar. And I was trying to talk to her for about an hour. She kept saying things like ‘stop grabbing my ass’ and ‘did you put anything in my drink?’ Ha, what a tease. Anyway, I followed her home — no, no, I’m getting to it — I followed her home, I waited outside her apartment, and then I remembered. The bartender was a woman too. And I didn’t say anything to her. This is what a feminist looks like. Well, that bartender looked like a feminist. That’s why I didn’t talk to her.”
— The Esteemed Patrick Goldman

“I’ve prepared 282 stories. Oh, wait, you want stories about times I did NOT sexually harass a woman? Let me think — uh, OK, got nothing. Sorry, I misread the email.”
— Harvey Weinstein

If you read these stories and want to share your own, please find the author of this post on Twitter and tag a woman you have not sexually harassed.