These brave, upstanding men are an inspiration to us all.
With the media focused intently on stories of sexual harassment, we might be forgetting one thing. Yes, there’s a lot of sexual harassment, but some men out there do, in fact, have stories of times they didn’t sexually harass a woman. Maybe it’s time we find those men, and maybe it’s time we tell those stories.
Here, I ask brave, upstanding men to share stories of encounters with women that did not involve sexual harassment.
“I was waiting in line at the grocery store, and I noticed the girl in front of me has a nice ass. Well, I say ‘girl’ because she was extremely sexually attractive to me — she was probably in her late twenties with a successful career, eh, if I had to guess, I’d say she ran a team of software engineers, based on the fact that I took a photo and Google-imaged her and found her Linkedin. Anyway, I stared at her ass for a long time, but whaddya know — I didn’t grab it.”
— The Hero John Monroe
“Do I have a story about not sexually harassing a woman? Ha, yeah, funny you should ask. It happened today, actually. I was walking my dog, and another woman was walking her dog, and we just walked on past each other.”
— The Venerable Mark Wallace
“Oh boy, do I have a story for you. Have I ever not sexually harassed a woman? You better believe I have. The year was 1999. I was on a bus, and I saw a lady with a great chest. Probably at least a D. But I said to myself, I said, ‘Harry, you got a wife and two daughters at home, do NOT comment on her breasts.’ And I didn’t! Although you better believe I took the seat next to her even though the whole bus was empty. And you better believe I manspreaded onto her — not in a sexual way, that’s just how I sit always.”
— Sir Harry Frederick The Brave
“Let me tell you what feminism looks like, OK? I have a new female coworker on my team at work. And she is not attractive. So I have not asked her out. Not all heroes wear capes. But I do. What do you think of my cape?”
— Feminist Icon Barry Marshall Who Is Currently Wearing A Superman Cape He Probably Bought At A Children’s Toy Store
“My brother was telling me about a time he didn’t sexually harass a woman, and I said me too! Me too! Is that what the me too movement is about?”
— The Honorable Tim Johnson The Confused
“Yeah of course I have a story about not sexually harassing a woman. I saw a pretty girl on the train, and I said, ‘hey sweet cheeks what’s your number?’ And she said — oh, wait? You’re counting that? As sexual harassment? Hm, ok, let me get back to you.”
— The Noble Andrew Harrison Who Will Go Check His Notes And Then Get Back To Me To Become The Even More Noble Andrew Harrison
“Well, there was a lady at a bar. And I was trying to talk to her for about an hour. She kept saying things like ‘stop grabbing my ass’ and ‘did you put anything in my drink?’ Ha, what a tease. Anyway, I followed her home — no, no, I’m getting to it — I followed her home, I waited outside her apartment, and then I remembered. The bartender was a woman too. And I didn’t say anything to her. This is what a feminist looks like. Well, that bartender looked like a feminist. That’s why I didn’t talk to her.”
— The Esteemed Patrick Goldman
“I’ve prepared 282 stories. Oh, wait, you want stories about times I did NOT sexually harass a woman? Let me think — uh, OK, got nothing. Sorry, I misread the email.”
— Harvey Weinstein
If you read these stories and want to share your own, please find the author of this post on Twitter and tag a woman you have not sexually harassed.
