When I rose to pass a dish, I felt a weird wet sensation when I sat back down. I ignored it. But as I ate, I realized I didn’t feel good. Thinking I was about to make more room for ham and scalloped potatoes, I grabbed a magazine and went to my favorite stall in the locker-room-style bathroom. Read more
With our country so divided by politics (and so very angry!), it’s hard to know what to get your Trump-loving relatives for the holidays. But have no fear! This guide will arm you with bucket loads of holiday . . . sorry, CHRISTMAS cheer. Read more
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To Whom it May Concern: I am writing to apply for a position in the Trump cabinet. It doesn’t matter which position — as a rich white man I believe I am qualified to serve in all of them. I have decades of experience being both white and rich. Like President-elect Trump I worked very hard to earn the Read more
When you say “she’s going to love my oven,” are you referring to your home kitchen? I personally have a very old oven in my apartment and I have *not* been loving it. Read more
Welcome to our latest Bad Advice column! Stay tuned every Tuesday for more terrible guidance based on actual letters. Read more
“Conjure an image of a witch in your mind’s eye, and you’ll find s/he can take many different shapes. Evil, beautiful, hideous, holy, a sinner who just might save us all — this multifaceted archetype is a dark layer-cake of legends and associations. Written by Phantasmaphile’s Pam Grossman and artwork by Canada’s occult sweethearts Tin Can Forest, What Is A Witch is a an illuminated incantation, a crystalline invocation, a lovingly-crafted celebration of the world’s most magical icon.” Read more
Women, all three-point-whatever-miserable-billion of them, are not to be dealt with. What woman on earth does not yearn to meet a man so that she can reproduce with him and then divest him of his hard-earned money? Read more
Is there anything more foul than the scoundrel who takes an interest in the rearing of his offspring? Read more
You want scary? This is scary. Read more
